Everyone and their brother know that this world and everyone's life in it for that matter, is strange and unusual,and so very unique...but riddle methis
About 2 months agoI came into work, and my office mates husband had a massive heart attack and died suddenly. That same day, a provider's husband who supervises one of my individuals died onthe same day. And now, I found that my supervisor's Aunt passed the sameday as one ofmy individuals mothers. Is thata coincedence? everything comes in threes, sowhat'saround thenext corner in my life? Do I believe in fate or destiny? I still needto figure that one.
the other day I saw a bumper sticker on a car in front of me that read --
The meaning of life is to live it
That puts my life and this cruel and unusual world ina different light, at least for me
a thought just popped into my head: the reason i write (or type would be more appropriate) on ep, is not so strangers will feel sorry for me. its so i can let out the pain & emotions i have. yes, i am a pessimist...and yes, words are easier said than done. but that's not the whole me.
i am a bright and charming woman with much to offer. i just got this great job that's a whole lot better (paying) than my last. we just rented this great house about 35 minutes from where i work. we have always lived in apartments, but i like having space that is ours...even if it is just rented space. 2 floors, 3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms, a yard that's fenced in, with a playground in the back for my little one. of course the process of moving can be difficult. having to start your (& a family's) life over again in this brand new city. which schools, which day cares, how to get from point A to point B...yada, yada.
will my husband ever finish school. will my husband find a job that he truly loves. will he ever be home with the kids and i more often. will i ever feel at peace with him. will he ever let us be equal partners, raising the children not only on his terms, but on an even playing field w/ me.
these are all questions that need answers, but i'm not going to find them here. i just need a place to rant & rave about my lifestyle and the way i feel about it!
Friday after work. Was hoping that my folks would make allowances & let me have some time for me. That is what they, especially my dad always talk to me about. Getting/making some time for me...in amongst the boys, husband, housework & such. I try to do everything & be everywhere I'm needed at all times. Anyhow, got my hopes dashed when mom told me they were going out to dinner w/ their friends. Damn my parents & their social lives!! So i dropped the big boy off w/ his friend & home i went unwillingly w/ the little one. I dont really know the people they went out to eat w/, nor their daughter who is about my age. The daughter, D, went to the private high school in town, which makes me think shes a snob right away. But its been many years since i was in high school & things change. As they do. D has a daughter, & everyone came over to our house after dinner. So i was supposed to 'entertain' D & her daughter, who is just about my younger boys' age. So i did what a good girl is supposed to do, & entertain. Found out she has addictions like me. Who knew? My bigger boy needed to be picked up @ 10, so i excused myself @ 930, With everyone there still. Kids were tired & cranky of course, it being 930 & all. So I
Was glad to finally b out of there, & waited for the big boy @ the designated place. I was trying to decide whom to tell about my evening: E or my 'friend'. So i texted them both. E was at work & figured he wouldnt text back or would only talk about his nite. My friend/lover texted back 1st. Imagine that! I went over to his house w/o a condom this morning thinking he had it under control...was i wrong! He wanted to soooo bad he bit the pillows on the couch! He wanted to so bad...& so did i. We just confused our signals. So i satisfied him anyway but it was nowhere near the same. Anyhow, E called soon after, & of course he was interested in talking about work, bcuz he was, at work. My friend understood, & i actually had to stop & think about whom to tell about my crappy evening.& of course, my friend was the 1st to respond. Not E. He doesnt text, he calls. I do love my friend....but i cant tell him. He has his own loving family to go home to. Me? I have my boys, & E if he's off work. I hate HATE that fact. E & i have too many years in this relationship, but i have done what i'm doing now b4. Oh yes, i have. I've been bad b4. I know im gonna go in the hospital again
soon...people will find. out about it. Oh, yes...they will.
Previous Postsstrange world, posted September 18th, 2013
the real me, posted November 15th, 2012
tonight, posted May 11th, 2012
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